“How do I work with someone who is a bully? Or, who is high conflict?”
To help with this question, one of the resources I recommend to both clients and friends is the approach to high conflict people by Bill Eddy in his book “BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People”.
Brief. Informative. Friendly. Firm.
- Brief: Keep it short.
- Informative: Provide only the relevant data / information. Keep it factual (no opinions).
- Friendly: Maintain decorum.
- Firm: Be clear and direct.
This approach is effective. Yet, it can take some practice because it requires a person to:
- Recognize that at least one of their hot buttons has been pushed (and set it aside).
- Focus on the core content of what the other person is trying to convey while ignoring the peripheral messages, which often includes tone and direct / implied personal attacks.
P.S. Look for examples of this approach in additional posts this week.
For a full explanation of using these principles, please check out Bill Eddy’s book: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/biff