Harmony requires conflict.
Engage effectively.
“It’s okay to not be okay. It’s not okay to stay that way”. I am not sure who originally said this, but I have heard it most often said by Matt Chandler.
I think a similar concept applies to disagreements that we have in our life – those with others and our own internal conflicts (even those that we do not acknowledge): It’s okay to have disagreements. It’s not okay to ignore them.
“When bad things happen, decide the past is all gone; it’s attached to a belief system. You have to find a path to change your belief system.” - Retired Navy SEAL Officer Brian Hiner
I recently spoke to an audience and the title of my talk was, “Finding Joy in the Wilderness”. It is a recap of one of the most challenging four-year stints of my life, the lessons I learned in the midst of days where I felt I could barely stand, and how I learned to tap into joy despite my circumstances.
One of the things I gained from this experience was how to more fully act to change what was in my control to change. To let go of all beliefs in the past where they limited me from moving forward.
The battle within ourselves is something that contributes to conflict and disagreement.
Give yourself permission to shed blame of others and to take charge of what you can. Give yourself permission to release old, false beliefs that limit you from taking the step that you know you want to take. Both of these start to restore energy and resolve the inner battle that rages within yourself.
Research shows that if you consistently avoid hard conversations, disagreement and conflict others may see you as someone who doesn’t care or as someone who is hypersensitive.
Give yourself permission to speak up about the risks / concerns you see and give voice to the questions you have.
Strength is not necessarily seen from how we respond to someone's actions, but in our ability act on behalf of our highest self.
Think about someone you don't always get along with.
Now ask yourself the following:
When speaking to people about their disagreements with others, perspective frequently arises as an underlying reason for the disagreement. It can be mindboggling to understand how someone hears and sees things so differently from how we hear and see the same things.
When someone shares their perspective, they may have helped us identify risks that need to be mitigated, provided an idea that further solidifies the solution on the table, or helped us see a potential mistake. We need perspective to ensure that we are not caught up in our own illusions.
This optical illusion is a very visual reminder that perspective can take time to uncover and reveal much more than we initially saw. Keep this picture in mind whenever you find yourself frustrated with someone else. Sometimes seeing a different perspective takes time.
P.S. How many different faces did you see?
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
- George Bernard Shaw
Have you ever walked away from a conversation with someone, been very clear on what was said, and the expected next steps to later discover that what you understood from that conversation was not what ended up taking place? Maybe you wondered how the other person could have missed something so obvious?
This is called the illusion of communication: An exchange of words took place, but shared understanding was missed.
I challenge you for the next week to keep this concept at the forefront of your mind: The ability to speak words to another person is a guarantee that I am going to be misunderstood and misunderstand others.
Doing this will increase your awareness that the message of what you have said vs. what you have heard may not be the same and allow you to clarify it.
Establishing trust takes time, authenticity and vulnerability. I love the traits that Cynthia Bazin identifies to cultivate, build and maintain trust in this article:
Data gathered by EY found that just 38% of American workers trust the company they work for.
In addition, they saw:
One of the most important lessons I have learned in life (there are many) involves several components:
